"I hated it."
The most liberating statement I have ever heard. After 13 months, I finally found someone who was honest. When my dear friend asked, "How's it going?" and I just sobbed, she told me, "I hated the first two years with my son."
What a relief to know someone else feels this way. If you're looking at this website, chances are you're feeling the same way, too. I created this website for you, to let you know that you're not alone. I hope that just knowing that makes you feel better. It made me feel better.
For 13 months I've been waiting for the joy. Waiting for the bliss. Waiting for that overwhelming wonderful feeling that makes this all seem worth it. I've read about it. I've seen in on tv. I think I see it in other women. Where's mine?
I thought I was experiencing postpartum depression, so I got help.
I've been getting help for seven months.
I keep waiting to "get better."
I keep waiting for the "hormones to balance out."
I keep wondering, "what's wrong with me?"
And I finally came to the realization that there's nothing wrong with me. THIS JUST SUCKS!
Breastfeeding sucks (sorry for the pun). Lack of sleep sucks. Loss of freedom sucks. Feeling like a prisoner sucks. Worrying sucks. There are moments that are really nice, but almost all of the rest of it sucks.
The baby's great. I love him. I just hate the job that came with him.
I've seen the woman on tv with the twins and sextuplets, and I wonder why I can't handle things the way she does. I've seen the woman on tv who keeps popping out babies -- 17 or 18 -- I've lost count. Don't even mention the woman with six kids who just had eight more.
My life is so much easier than the lives of these women with all these kids. I just have the one baby. I'm trying really hard to savor the nice moments and find some happiness every day. But by the end of most days I have a major melt down. A sobbing, regretting, dreading, horrible meltdown.
I think there are women who truly love this. I just don't happen to be one of them.
If you feel the same way, the first thing you should do is talk with your doctor about postpartum depression. Be warned: If your health plan is anything like mine, just finding out what your benefits are, how to use them, and narrowing down the list of providers will send you into an even deeper depression. But follow up and figure out who to talk to and then go talk to someone. I promise you it will help. Won't do magic, but it will help. Consider this a public service announcement.
Send me an email at
mama@motherhoodsucks.com and let me know how you're doing. I'll post the helpful emails and ignore anything mean or judgmental. I won't print your email address. Protect your privacy by making up a screen name. When you send an email, you agree to the USER AGREEMENT printed below.
You're not alone. You just took the first step to feeling better.
Thanks,
Mama
USER AGREMENT: If you send an email to mama@motherhoodsucks.com, I might post it on this website. Since I own this website, it becomes the property of motherhoodsucks.com. I won't print your email address, and you are encouraged to make up a screen name to protect your privacy. I won't print anything mean, judgmental, or anything I don't want to. Please be nice. Please don't swear. Let's support each other and help make each other feel better.
